You just made me feel so damn special
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
