Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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