Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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