Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
