so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
