I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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