i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
