I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
