the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I AM VODKA MAN
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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