Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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