dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
