u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
