I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
