So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
