Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
