i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
