Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
