i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
