Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
