Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
