belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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