how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
