I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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