I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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