i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
