you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
