You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
