After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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