Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
