I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
