I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
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