Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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