Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
