Im at strip club and am horny
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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