my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
