hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
