This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
