So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
