I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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