Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
