My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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