; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
That's when you crack a 10am beer
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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