First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
