Betty ford says i'm here all night
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
This house was built for laser tag.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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