...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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