oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
