the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
