I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
