You made me cry and you don't even care
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
