are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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