my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
