maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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