No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm bleeding and have questions
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
