Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
