FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
