I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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